Conditional Love

Growing up, I was loved
        ...if I sat still, and was quiet
        ...if I ate all my peas
        ...if I didn't get my perfectly starched clothes dirty.

I was loved
        ...if I got A's in my report card
        ...if I won a trophy at the piano recital
        ...if I cleaned up my messy desk.

I was loved
        ...if I had no opinions of my own
        ...if I didn't question his authority
        ...if I closed my mind to his roaming hands
             if
               if
                 if...

I'm 50 years old,
          and still
               too eager to please,
                       crave acceptance,
                             never feel good enough.

Conditional love
       is a life sentence.